500 Days of Summer
by As Soft As The Skies
Summary: Cas returns home for the summer vacation after his first year of college and has to negotiate Gabriel going missing, a visit from their uncle and immature siblings. Human AU
1. Chapter 1

**Summary**: Cas returns from university to find Gabriel has gone missing.

**Warnings**: Runaway Gabriel, otherwise none.

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Cas shifted his bag higher up onto his shoulder awkwardly. His key was stuck in the lock _again_. He wiggled it impatiently, feeling the bag beginning to slip again. The lock finally clicked and with a shove of his shoulder it opened although the key didn't seem to want to leave the lock. The sound of Michael and Luc yelling at each other greeted him as the door swung open, and Cas sighed. Dropping his bag heavily onto the tiled hall floor he yanked the jammed key out of the door and shut the door leaning back against it with another weary sigh. He didn't call out to announce his arrival: Michael and Luc were too wrapped up in each other to care, Gabriel was probably out and Samandriel would either be in his room with his headphones on or out in the tree house as he usually was whenever Luc or Michael started arguing. Instead he just picked his bag back up and trudged through the living room and up the stairs.

He dumped his bag on the floor and stared out the window at the garden. It was overgrown which shouldn't have surprised him. A glance at the tree house told him Samandriel was indeed outside. Feeling like he should inform someone of his arrival back home after his first year of college he went back downstairs. Michael and Luc were still arguing but it was so common place these days he let the sound of their raised voices wash straight over him as he crossed the living room and went out through the french doors.

After having to look after himself for an entire academic year coming home made him feel about ten again, especially as the layers of armour he'd built up to deal with Michael and Luc's near constant fights had worn away during his time away. He suddenly felt small and lost and vulnerable, a little kid questioning why his family always had to fight. climbing the ladder to get into the tree house wasn't helping either. The ladder simultaneously seemed both longer and shorter than he remembered, shorter because that tree house used to be the top of his world and longer because the ladder never used to be this hard to climb. With considerable effort he made it to the top and managed to squeeze through the child-sized door. He sat next to Samandriel who was all hunched up with his knees to his chest, his arms hugging his legs and his head resting on his knees.

"I'm back." Cas said, a little redundantly, but then he had never pretended to be the sibling who knew what to say. He hoped Samandriel would take the hint and tell him what was wrong without Cas having to navigate the social etiquette that would illicit the same response. But Samandriel didn't seem to want to cooperate today.

"What are they fighting about now?" Cas asked softly, hoping his tone would counteract the bluntness of the question.

"Gabriel." Samandriel mumbled into his knees. His voice was rough like he had been crying very recently, or was still crying.

"Gabriel?" Cas repeated confused. Gabriel was a pain most of the time, but he wasn't Lucifer levels of annoying and unlike Lucifer he _usually_ knew where the line was. Besides Gabriel didn't like Michael and Luc fighting so it was unlikely he'd do anything to make the situation worse.

"He left." Samandriel said, raising his head. The information hit Cas like a physical blow. Samandriel took a shaky breath and continued "Two days ago. We don't know where he went and they both blame each other but they are _still fighting_." Samandriel's explanation dissolved towards the end as the tears started streaking down his cheeks again.

"Sammy." Cas began, but his voice caught in his throat. He closed his eyes, took a breath and started again, "Sammy. Gabriel's twenty two, he'll be alright on his own. I- "

"He didn't take any of his stuff!" Samandriel almost yelled, cutting Cas off, which was lucky because Cas had no idea what he had been trying to say.

"He just left." Samandriel continued more quietly, "Luc and Mike were fighting again and he just left the house and we thought he'd come back later but he didn't and now he's gone and what if he doesn't come back it will just be me and them and I can't live with them fighting all the time Cas I just can't." His voice which had been rising hysterically cracked and he shuddered as the tears began to flow even faster. Cas didn't know what to say so he just hugged Samandriel tightly.

They stayed like that, Cas with his arms wrapped around Samandriel, a feeling of overwhelming panic threatening to engulf Cas entirely. Neither knew what to say and words were useless anyway so they passed the time in silence. Eventually it got too dark to see properly, even with the flickering torch Samandriel had brought out with him, and lights started coming on in the house so Cas quietly suggested it might be time to go back inside. He heard Samandriel sniff and felt him shift and move past Cas towards the door. Cas followed awkwardly, limbs stiff and cramped from sitting locked in the same position for so long. The ladder was even harder to navigate on the way down, especially with legs that weren't functioning properly. He stumbled off the bottom rung and followed Samandriel across the dark lawn and into the orangey light of the living room. Neither Michael nor Luc were there anymore, they had probably retreated to their rooms as they usually did after a fight. Samandriel curled up in an armchair staring with blank eyes at the pictures on the mantelpiece, pictures of a happier time before their father had left and before Michael and Luc spent all their time arguing.

Resisting the infantile urge to slam the photographs face down, Cas pulled himself together with some effort. He wished the others were home, but they wouldn't return home from university until tomorrow. Anna would know all the right words to say to reassure Samandriel. Even Balthazar who was far too like Gabriel for his own good would be able to sombre himself enough to offer some comfort. But neither were here and Luc wouldn't help and Michael would be oblivious as he always was during and immediately after a fight with Luc and so Cas was all there was. It occurred to him that it was after nine and they'd been in the treehouse for hours.

"You should eat." He said, "I should eat," he added when he realised he hadn't eaten anything since the early afternoon.

"Come on Sammy," Cas murmured moving from the French doors where he had been hovering into the centre of the room, "Sammy, you need to eat something." He said gently. The use of the nickname (reserved for teasing or comfort) seemed to get through to Samandriel and he refocused his sea-green eyes on Cas. He sighed, stood slowly and allowed Cas to lead the way into the kitchen.

Cas was surprised to find Michael sitting at the kitchen table, head in his hands. Michael looked up as they entered eyes suspiciously red. Cas felt a stab of fear, he didn't think he'd ever seen Michael cry. Michael jumped up, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. Samandriel walked listlessly over to the table to sit down in the chair Michael had just vacated but Cas was rooted to the spot, staring at his older brother.

"You haven't eaten have you? I'm so sorry Sam I forgot." Michael said and he began rummaging in the fridge with a slightly manic energy that concerned Cas further. Managing to rouse himself out of his shock by reminding himself that he shouldn't be worrying Samandriel further, he walked over to the table and sat down at the head. He was dimly aware of people talking but it wasn't until Michael appeared in his field of vision that he realised Michael had been talking to him.

"-eat?"

"No." Cas replied. "I had a big lunch just before I got here." It was a lie and they both knew it but Michael didn't argue the point, just shrugged and went back to cooking for Samandriel. Cas was glad Michael was cooking, living on his own for most of the past year had forced him to develop some skill in cooking but he didn't really want to force his culinary creations on anyone else. The smell of food made him nauseous and so he made his excuses and left the room. Michael caught his eye on the way out and there was worry in the curious glance he sent Cas which only made Cas feel worse. So Cas ignored it and left the room, stumbling through the living room, eyes prickling and hot and he knew he was near tears.

He sat down on his bed carefully but he couldn't hold it in any longer and he finally began to cry.

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	2. Chapter 2

**Summary**: Cas returns from university to find Gabriel has gone missing cont.

**Warnings**: Runaway Gabriel, otherwise none.

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Michael came up an indeterminate time later. Cas was lying face-down on his bed, tears long since dried up, but still aching with a heavy sadness and sick with fear. He heard a gentle chime of a plate being put down, the sound of his curtains closing, and then he felt the mattress dip and sensed Michael's presence beside him.

"Why didn't you call me and tell me he'd gone?" Cas asked, his voice muffled by his pillow.

"We thought he'd be back." Michael whispered. His voice was rough and uneven and so unlike his usual calm and collected self that Cas felt another stab of fear twist in his abdomen.

"It's been two days. By this time tomorrow he'll officially be a missing person." Michael continued voice wobbling slightly. Cas bit his lip, face still buried in his pillow. He felt tears forming again, wetting his already damp pillow. He didn't want to think about that, didn't want to think about where Gabriel might be or when he was going to come back. He definitely didn't want to think about the possibility that Gabriel might not come back. And he absolutely didn't want to think that Gabriel might be lying in a hospital somewhere labelled as a John Doe, hurt or dying or dead. Cas felt bile rising up in his throat as his heart clenched at the thought of Gabriel just gone forever and them never knowing what had happened. Just like with dad.

"Why would he leave?" Cas angrily demanded of his pillow. "He was the one who wanted us all to get along and stop arguing. Why would he just leave?"

"I don't know. First dad and now this and I can't- " Michael swallowed, sounding close to breaking point again, "I can't stop it. I'm trying Cas, I know you don't think I am, but I am trying to keep this family together." Cas sat up abruptly.

"I don't think you're not trying." He said vehemently, mostly truthfully. There were times when he was sure Michael argued with Luc for the sake of arguing but most of the time it was clear Michael was just trying to keep them all together. Michael laughed shakily at the violence of Cas' reaction, but it wasn't a particularly happy laugh, in fact he looked close to tears again.

"Thanks Cas." He visibly pulled himself together and took the plate he'd brought up off Cas' bedside table and handed it to Cas.

"I came up to give you this. You need to eat Cas." Cas picked at the toasted sandwich, wondering how he'd force the food past the lump in his throat, but he nodded.

"I'm going to bed." Michael said as he stood up, "If Gabriel decides to make an appearance while you're awake yell at him for me will you?" Cas nodded, fiddling with the corner of his sandwich.

"Until my throat is too sore to speak." Cas promised and Michael gave another shaky laugh and left, pulling the door shut behind him.

Cas ate the sandwich as slowly as possible, hoping that Gabriel would come home before he had finished so he could run out his room and hug him and tell him he was glad he was back, and quite possibly, though he wasn't usually a violet person, punch him in the face for all the trouble he had caused. But when he put the empty plate on his bedside table Gabriel still wasn't there.

He sat on his bed for a few minutes, growing wearier. In an effort to stall going to sleep he picked up his empty plate and took it downstairs. When he entered the kitchen and was surprised to see Luc sitting at the kitchen table, head in his hands in exactly the same position as Michael had been earlier and Cas was suddenly struck by how similar Luc and Michael were even with all their differences. Luc looked up as Cas entered and his eyes were red too. Luc watched in silence as Cas crossed the kitchen.

"Go to bed Cas." Luc said softly, when Cas put the plate down on the counter, "I'll wake you if he comes home." Cas nodded and climbed the stairs to bed.

The next morning he woke and for about five seconds forgot the events of the previous night. Then the memories came flooding back. He stared at the ceiling trying to think about nothing which didn't really work. Then it occurred to him that last night may have been a dream, or Gabriel may have returned overnight and so he got out of bed and left his room, nearly tripping over his unpacked bags on his way to the door. He stumbled down the kitchen stairs and stopped at the bottom. Michael was sitting at the kitchen table talking to a police officer. Cas stared at them in horror. The police in his house made it official, it wasn't a dream, he hadn't returned in the night, he was still missing.

Michael looked up and met Cas' eyes. Michael seemed surprisingly calm on the outside, but there was something in his eyes like he was screaming. Cas couldn't remember much about the days after their father went missing, Gabriel, Luc and Michael had done their best to keep most of it hidden from the younger four, but he did remember Michael had had to come home from university to look after them all and that Michael had to talk to the police then too. No wonder Michael's eyes were screaming. Cas couldn't imagine having to talk to the police about missing family members once, let alone twice.

Cas was debating doing the mature thing and running back upstairs to hide from everything when the Michael and the police officer stood. He sat on the bottom step as they both left the room, Michael giving him a tired smile on the way out. Cas sat on the bottom step and lent his head against the banister. He was struck by how much Michael had lost when their dad had left. He'd never really thought about it before, he'd always been almost dismissive of Michael, irritated at him for his constant fighting with Luc and the feeling it gave that their family was on the brink of an apocalypse. He saw now he'd take his eldest brother completely for granted.

Michael had left university in his first year to come home to look after them all, to talk to the police about their father, to cook and to clean, to pay bills and fix things when they broke and buy new things when they couldn't be fixed. And not one of them had helped. They'd all just moaned and complained and told him to stop fighting with Luc and whined that he didn't pay them enough attention and complained when he forgot to buy their favourite cereal. Cas wondered how he did it, how he had managed this long without falling apart. And if Gabriel leaving was like déjà vu for Cas, he didn't want to imagine what Michael must be feeling, having to file another missing persons report.

Cas stood and walked over to the kettle, filling it and switching it on mindlessly. He busied himself with coffee and sugar and milk and all the while trying to ignore the gnawing guilt and stabbing fear that was threatening to overwhelm him. Michael came back into the kitchen as Cas was pouring hot water into two mugs. He handed one to Michael who took it gratefully, slight surprise in his eyes.

"Thank you." Cas whispered. Michael looked at him curiously.

"What for?" Michael asked, evidently confused. Cas just shook his head and took a sip of his bitter coffee before he started crying. Michael seemed even more confused but he answered anyway.

"You don't have to thank me Cas." Cas felt a lump in his throat and he quickly swallowed the scaling coffee, trying to force the it away. Michael had been Cas' age when their father left and he'd managed to stay strong and not cry so as to not worry any of them. But Cas wasn't Michael. The tears began to prickle in his eyes. Michael noticed the tears and put an arm round Cas' shaking shoulders. He seemed about to speak when he was interrupted.

"Why are the police here?" a female voice demanded and Anna appeared in the archway connecting the kitchen to the living room. "Is it dad?" Michael shook his head.

"Gabriel." He murmered

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	3. Chapter 3

Cas left while Michael explained what had happened to Anna, he hadn't wanted to hear it again. He wandered back upstairs and started putting his things away for something to do. The task helped somehow, forcing him to think about where to put everything so he couldn't think about Gabriel or Michael. Anna came up some time later and asked in a small voice if she could stay in his room for a while because she didn't want to be on her own. Cas nodded in agreement and Anna immediately curled up on his bed, hugging his pillow, her face pale against her dark red hair and her eyes a little wild.

It was disconcerting seeing his elder sister like that, and it didn't really help him when he was trying not to think about everything that had happened. But if Anna wanted to stay he wasn't about to kick her out. Not Anna, who had always had time for him. And especially not when Anna, who was usually second only to Michael in disciplined self-control, looked as fragile as she did now. She reminded Cas of one of the terrifying dolls Anna had had when she was little before she decided she wanted to play with all her brothers toys, all pale skin and wide, dark eyes and completely lifeless.

"Do you ever think we're too hard on Michael?" she asked suddenly.

"Sometimes." He murmured, feeling another strong wave of guilt. Anna sighed and sat up, leaning back against the wall.

"We never give him any credit for anything. But he's always there for us and he does everything. I don't know how he does it, I think I would have broken by now." She paused and then continued in a rush.

"I used to be really scared he would get sick of us and leave just like Dad. I kept waiting for it to happen. I was actually surprised when I went downstairs each morning and he was there. Even coming back this morning I thought maybe this would be it, and he wouldn't be there. But I never thought Gabriel- " she broke off and took a deep breath. She went quiet and Cas didn't know how to respond so he didn't, just carried on putting away his things in silence.

"I thought about leaving too you know." Anna said quietly, fiddling with the edge of her top. "I guess that's why I always thought Michael would leave, I was projecting or whatever. And I guess what I'm trying to say is that I can see why Gabriel left." That surprised Cas almost as much as the news that Gabriel had actually left. Anna had always talked about living in Europe when she was older, or (in her brief hippie phase back in high school) travelling to find herself, but none of them had ever thought she was serious. They should have known better. Anna always knew exactly what she wanted and she made sure she got it. He put the book down and sat next to Anna on the bed.

"But you would have told us where you were going?" Cas asked. He was suddenly filled with a gripping fear that he'd just keep losing his siblings one by one, one way or another. He imagined Michael finally growing tired of all the fights with Luc and having to look after them all and leaving just like their dad had done. Luc ending up in prison because he did something stupid after a fight with Michael, Balthazar never returning home from university, Anna leaving to find herself somewhere, Samandriel being taken away by one of their uncles who were always meddling in their affairs and who thought they weren't a good enough environment for a young impressionable boy.

"Not necessarily." Anna said quietly, "I mean I probably would have sent you a postcard or something to let you know I was okay. But I wouldn't have told you before I left in case you stopped me and I wouldn't have come back if you asked." Anna sighed and drew her knees up to her chest. When she next spoke her voice was barely more than a whisper, paper thin.

"That's why I don't think Gabriel will come back. I wouldn't have done."

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Days passed and it began to look like Anna was right, Gabriel hadn't come home. Balthazar had returned and locked himself in his room after being told Gabriel was missing and Cas hadn't seen him since. Anna floated around the house in a kind of ethereal dream state, randomly picking objects up only to put them down again, never speaking, just drifting aimlessly. Michael and Luc avoided each other for the most part but Cas occasionally caught them whispering emphatically to each other, although he could never tell if they were arguing or just talking.

Life for Cas passed unsteadily, the days blurring into each other, some minutes lasting for hours while some hours lurched past so quickly Cas could not recall how he spent them. Half his time he was with Samandriel who was whiplashing between wanting to be with one of his siblings every second possible and wanting everyone to leave him alone and was consequently usually either in the tree house or in Cas' bedroom. The other half of the time, when Samandriel wasn't glued to his side Cas re-read his books forcing himself to become absorbed in the fictional worlds so that he wouldn't have to face his own reality.

Every time the phone rang Cas' heart skipped a beat because what if it was the police ringing to say they'd found him? What if it was the police ringing to say they'd found him dead? Every time Cas allowed his mind to wander his mind played him thousands of what if situations over and over, each progressively worse than the last until Cas distracted himself. Every time the doorbell rang Cas felt sick with fear.

The house had never felt so big. Aside for Samandriel he could go for days at a time without seeing any of his siblings. The house had used to feel small, too small for seven people, most of them with personalities several times larger than the actual physical volume they took up. Now the house seemed alien to him, no longer a home that was filled with noise and people, but a quiet massive space where he waited for news.

He missed the sounds he hadn't even realised were there, the background noise that was the soundtrack to his days at home, the TV, the kettle, five different genres of music blared at full volume, gunshots from the xbox. He missed Anna ranting about women's rights, Luc being sarky at the stupid reality tv shows he insisted on watching to mock. He missed Gabriel and Balthazar's prank wars and the way Luc would occasionally deign to pick a side, but would usually just take the opportunity to screw with both of them and blame it on the other. He missed when Samandriel's only problems were his homework. He even missed the sound of Michael and Luc yelling at each other. He missed it all so badly it was like a constant ache, like he was missing a physical part of himself. But most of all he missed Gabriel.

He started doing the maths problems in one of Anna's old textbooks. He's always been good at maths but he was a little rusty and some of the problems presented a challenge. He liked how when he was doing the maths he could block out everything else and just focus forcing the numbers sort themselves out into neat elegant solutions. He liked that he was able to solve some problems, however trivial and unimportant. It almost made him forget how he couldn't solve the problems within his family.

On the second week anniversary of Gabriel's disappearance he dreamt that he woke to find the rest of his siblings had vanished too. He woke cold and shivery and utterly terrified. He walked out onto the landing. Balthazar always left his door open a crack when he was sleeping and Cas peered through it and was relieved to see that Balthazar was fast asleep, safe and sound in bed. Unwilling to go back to sleep he walked across the landing and onto the small balcony above their front door. It was a surprisingly warm night and so he stayed, watching the stars to calm him as he usually did when he woke from a nightmare. A small childish part of him hoped for a shooting star so he could wish Gabriel home, but none fell. He looked to the moon instead.

_Please_, he whispered, _please make him come home_.

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